It's funny how things happen when you embody a slight change in momentum. Last year was a very difficult year for me, when all plans directed 2013 to be one of my most successful years in career satisfaction and spiritual complacency. Instead it was a battle of mental dis alignment, self harm, a life threatening experience and most of all a fear of never being able to live a well adjusted life. I spent my time trying to reach heights of creative stimulation whilst nursing awful inner scars and new wounds that seem to never heal. Yesterday I arrived home from 3 weeks in the UK and a short stint in Germany, in my mind this trip was to be an escape from what sometimes felt like a cursed existence. I met some amazing new friends and I have honestly never felt more cared for. But unfortunately the dark clouds of depression seemed to linger more than ever. The numbness was overwhelming and really choked the life out of me. The worst thing is, you can't explain it to people that have not faced the demon. The best way to explain my deep depression, is a feeling of sadness that makes you so numb that you can't feel or attach to anything anymore.
Today I woke after some pretty severe jet lag and decided that this year I am going to attempt to make things better. I wrote a list of goals and decided I was going to achieve them, even if I had to do it with a few uncontrollable vices under my belt. My first goal was to get healthy, so this morning I decided to do some light boxing training. After a few tiring rounds I hear a voice call my name. It was my old boxing trainer 'Jim Bakolias', although I had been to the gym quite a few times, I hadn't seen him in well over a year. Jim originally taught me how to tackle my aliments through the art of boxing. He even trained me the the same day his mother passed, he really holds a special place in my heart. Jim gave me a look that cut straight through me (he has a knack for reading my pain) and said "So, when are we training again". It looks like I'm already heading to my first goal.
I'm not going to give superficial well wishes for 2014, I am just going to strive to stay alive and direct my destiny with love and nurture. I wish the same for those that are in a familiar situation.